God's Girl

Finding the extraordinary in the ordinary

Blackening of the Bride: 11 Ways to Sabotage Your Marriage

on June 30, 2014

Imagine with me for a moment.

It’s a beautiful day.

Today is the day your new life together begins.

It’s your wedding day.

You look up at the blue sky and smell the fresh air.

You quickly realize that instead of looking up, you should have looked straight ahead!

The bushes nearby begin to move.

People run out and pelt you with rotten eggs and other sticky substances.

 

They kidnap you and shove you into a car.

 

The next thing you know, you are being paraded around town and tied to a tree.

Kinda sounds like a bad dream after eating too much Chinese food, doesn’t it?

This may seem bizarre, but this is not fiction.

In reality, it is a Scottish wedding tradition called the “Blackening of the Bride (or groom).”

It is meant to prepare the couple for the difficulties of marriage.


No doubt about it, marriage can be tough!

Words can be spoken and actions can be taken that leave you feeling ambushed, beaten, black, and blue.

What takes years to carefully build can be lost in a moment.

The atmosphere of your marriage can be wonderful, until the unexpected comes, and you are pelted with the stinkiness of life.

Things you never thought would happen.

The loss of a job.

The car you never saw coming…

The loss of a loved one.

Your car breaks down on the way to work.

The bills stack up, so does the stress.

The hard stuff leaves you feeling vulnerable.

You can turn to your spouse during these times or you can choose to turn away.

Even the good things can bring the stinkiness out:

Holidays.

Having a baby.

Parenthood.

Moving to a new town.

Busy schedules.

I don’t know how things are in your marriage right now, or even if you are married.

I do know this: No single act can prepare you for marriage.

Preparing for marriage, whether you have been married a day or twenty years, is a continual, daily process.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years.

I thought by now, we would have this thing down.

We don’t.

What we do have is a committed love-filled marriage and lots of stories of our mistakes.

So I thought I would share with you how to blacken your spouse.

Here are 11 ways to sabotage your marriage:

1) Be insecure. Look to your spouse to make you feel good all the time.

2) Don’t trust your spouse. (For some of you, trust has to be rebuilt. Something major may have happened. Some times it can take time. If they are doing things to intentionally harm you or others in your family get help!)

3) Don’t talk about money. Don’t be on the same page. Don’t make a plan for your money.

4) Don’t communicate. Do what you want. Why should you be accountable to someone else?

5) Talk a little too long and smile a little too much at that cute co-worker.

6) Make sure to let your kids divide and conquer you as parents. Take every opportunity to tell your kids that you disagree with your spouse. Develop a good cop-bad cop parenting relationship.

7) Stay angry. Let it linger. Sleep on it. Wake up in a rage. Love being right more than you love your marriage. Hang onto your hurts. Let them eat you alive. Don’t forgive.

8) Overcommit. Do as much as you can, as often as you can. Don’t consult your spouse when making plans.

9) Don’t date. Why should you do that anymore? Treat each other more like roommates and business partners.

10) Don’t hangout with people who support your marriage. Make sure you criticize your spouse in public, especially with friends.

11) Never,under any circumstances, use these three phrases:

“What do you think?”

“How can I pray for you?”

“What can I do to ease your stress?”

 

Remember, Dear One:

You are your spouse’s home.

You love is a cup of cold water offered to the soul beaten down by the heat of this world.

Your arms are the welcome mat, the place where burdens are wiped out.

Your lips help wash the dirt away when you  shower words of praise and affection to a blackened heart.

Love today more than yesterday because tomorrow may not come.

 

 

 

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